cheese travels fast

Want to play America's
fasting growing diversion?
    tales of bread 
            and circus  

Read the 'news' stories, 
determine whether they
really happened.  It's like 
that show on Fox only 
without the audience and 
half the production value.  

Top prize: the hollow 
rush of esteem associated 
with most trivial success 

Heard a story that makes 
you say, "Now that is some
fine American cheese?"
Be it ludicrously tragic or 
tragically ludicrous, real 
or a child of your mind;
frame the story like an
AP briefing and send it to 
Cheese Culture.
If we select one of your 'news' items you will win the top prize. Top prize: A 1998 convertable, super-charged, all-terrain 'thank you'.

Main Cheese

Where's Your Messiah Now, Godboy

Jacksonville, FL -- A youth minister died giving a sermon illustration. Melvyn Nurse, 35, of Livingway Christian Fellowship shot himself in front of 250 people. He was illustrating the danger of drug use and violence by comparing it to Russian roulette

Nurse put a blank cartridge in a revolver and, as he made each point, spun the cylinder and fired it above his head. At the end of the sermon, he put the revolver to his head and pulled the trigger. The blank cartridge flew apart and shattered his skull in front of the audience, which included his wife and four daughters.

"We were absolutely stunned. Nobody moved. We thought it might be part of his sermon and he would pop back up," associate pastor Michael Cooper said.

Fiction or Fact

Cheese Hungry Slave Master

Portland, OR -- A jury returned a $900,00 malpractice verdict on June 4 against a urologist accused of keeping a car salesman addicted to painkillers to get free goods and services.

Larry Benson said his 15 years of virtual servitude began when he was a grocery store manager and the doctor used the drugs as bait to get free pizzas, cans of soda and slabs of cheese.

"I feel vindicated," Benson said after the verdict in Multnomah County Circuit Court. "Nobody ever believed tha story at first. It was so incredible. Everybody thought I was nuts. Everybody said that a doctor wouldn't do it. He did it because of greed and power."

Dr. David R. Rosencrantz first treated Benson for testicular cancer in 1979. He removed one of Benson's testicles and gave Benson samples of painkillers such as Vicodin and Percocet to relieve persistent migrain headaches.

Benson claimed that for the next 15 years, the doctor demanded free goods and services in exchange for the drugs, supplying the pills in envelopes or tissue paper.

It esculated from his supermarket days, Benson said, when the doctor would make special requests for free food.

"He loved the Kraft cheese, Benson said. "He said his wife was a vegetarian and they need it.

Fiction or Fact