who lies the truth?


C'mon, were waiting for an answer...
We here at Cheese Culture often ponder such philosophical questions. This particular question was one of the more easy choices to come to an agreement upon. The answer is simple really. Isn't It? Well, we already knew what we thought, maybe. Rather, what we truly wanted to know was what our Society thought about it and quite frankly, we got the chills. No one here wanted the ugly job so we passed it on to our Custodial Engineer, Clarence Neveready. He's always eager to perform unthinkable acts for the indifferent scraps we randomly huck his way.

He was given no budget, no ideas, no toilet paper and locked in the storage closet with a 5x7 of Billy Barty. Mr. Neveready was armed only with a Uni-ball pen and a warped sense of reality. He went in that closet a freak and came out a man-freak with the following interview scribbled on the back of one hell of a shit-smeared dwarf picture. How did he pull it off? Mr. Neveready decided to tackle the job as any true journalist of the 80's would: MTV style.

Neveready:  First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for coming down here to talk to me.  Due to the
painfully tight schedules of some of you here, I'd like to go to our first question.  Where
does meat come from?

Heidi Fliess (Hollywood Madame):  From the store!

Lindsay Wagner (TV's Bionic Woman):  From the flesh of living, rather, once living animals.

Rev. Jesse Jackson (Famous Christian):  From the Lord our Father! Amen!

Bill Clinton (Coligula):  Meat is certainly a divine gift that comes from, that
actually comes from hard working Americans.  Men an Women, Black and White, hard
working, decent citizens enjoying freedom in the greatest Meat Industry in the world--

Mr. Spock (Famous Vulcan):  I don't believe our host has made it clear as to whether
or not we are discussing the physical or spiritual origins of your carnivorous behaviors.

Neveready:  Physical origins, please.  I'm afraid the spiritual origins of meat would
lead to another debate altogether--

Jackson:  Do you deny your maker?

Neveready:  Well--
   
Fleiss:  Meat comes from the store!

Clinton:  Put there by Americans...

Jackson:  Through the divinity and kindness of God our Father.

Wagner:  From animals.

Mr. Spock:  Cows, pigs and chickens, I believe are used by Humans in this capacity.

Fleiss:  No way, dummy!  Meat comes beef, pork, and er, uh, poultry, um, well I
guess that does mean chickens...

Mr. Spock:  (raising his eyebrows in that knowing, Vulcan way)  What do you think
beef or pork is?

Jackson:  Easy on the sister, Mr. Not-of-this-Earth.

Clinton:  These scare tactics of yours aren't going to fool the hard working people
of America, Spock.

Mr. Spock:  Scare tactics?  I was merely informing Ms. Fleiss of the--

Jackson:  Are you saying eating meat is wrong?  The Bible clearly says in 
Genesis, Chapter--

Wagner:  Sorry, Heidi.  Beef is cow flesh, pork is pig flesh and poultry is chicken.

Jackson:  Man cannot live, I say to you, man cannot survive without meat.

Wagner:  I'm sorry.  I've been a vegan for over twenty years.

Clinton:  Look, it's not like Americans are eating their dogs and cats--

Mr. Spock:  And how would that be different?

Fleiss:  Eeeeeewwww!

Jackson:  Blasphemy!

Clinton:  Why, the very thought of sitting down to dinner at the White House
and eating a cute little pussy--

Wagner:  Cows are cute!

Clinton:  True, them cows can be right pretty.  Just don't think of them as a cow.

Fleiss:  Think of it as beef and beef is what's for dinner!

Jackson:  Amen!

Mr. Spock:  This conversation is highly illogical...

Clinton:  Ms. Fleiss, I'm very intrigued by your intellectualism.  Perhaps you
should join the good Reverend and myself in my Presidential limo to discuss the topic
further--Ms. Wagner, are you truly bionic?

Wagner:  I am outta here!

Neveready:  Spoc, tell Scotty there'll be two ready for beaming up this time..

FIN
EVIL MAIN
CHEESE MAIN