born again freak
Erika Lopez

god squad
Clarence Neveready

brand named god
Ryan Bigge

on record

the crutch
John Gordon

sucka brand
John Gordon
welcome to the future

John Gordon
issue 3 volume 1

divine intervention

Visualize watching "Touched by an Angel" while Deepak Chopra gives you a hand job and reads various passages from various texts of spiritual higher order. This communion of images may seem like J. Edgar Hoover's dreams numbers 34 and 52 but it may help you come to an understanding of what is intended within "Divine Intervention".

As we feel the descent and put our seat backs in their upright position the anxiousness and accessories associated with the millennium begin to overwhelm. Never in our consciousness has a series of four numbers been such a growth industry for propheteers and profiteers alike. The possible exceptions being 1976 and 1984.

In 1976 we celebrated the 200th anniversary of a mass delusion by waving tiny flags and waiting in gas lines. In 1984 we celebrated the joy that big brother didn't have to mean drab and tattered clothing. (Mr. Orwell failed to include Technicolor product placement and focus groups in his plot.)

The year 2000 finds us confronting something grander than revolution and domination. It's revalation and damnation and the race is on to sell you salvation insurance. Sure there is and will be the lighter side of the coin toss. M&M's is hedging their bet against an apocalypse by calling their candy pellets "The Official Candy of the Millennium." Maybe they know something we don't, but I would hate to be the marketing brainiac who associated a food product with pestilence and plague.

The clock is ticking and the anxiety level will rise like so much leavened bread. As our collective asses begin to clinch remember, mirth has never moved units as well as fear.

As you rip the pages off your What Would Jesus Do? Psalm-a-day calendars toward December 31, 1999, even the most cynical among us will begin to twitch and perspire and be ripe for the marketers picking. You may not fear that Jesus will come marching home again, but surely the thought of a few hundred thousand fanatics clutching their Testaments and their assault rifles can keep you up at night. Nyquil anyone?

In the mean time till the end-time we will be baptized in angels and devils, weather reports and meteor watchers, false prophets and profit takers. The promise of endless tomorrows has been the backbone of the advertising age. “Consume and devour forever” our battle cry. Well, media never struck a gold mine like the prospect of no tomorrow. He who dies with the most toys wins. You CAN take it with you. Available for a limited time only.

So when the lights go out, what will you cling to? Will you mix your own cocktail of happiness or will you purchase one prepared specifically for your demographic satisfaction? Which prophet on the New York Time's Bestseller list will be your tour guide to personal harmonyland? Which brands will you stock in your bunker to take to the other side? What product will deliver you?

John Gordon